I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
