How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
