im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
