Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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