Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
