one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have feelings that need drinking.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
