Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
