I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
