Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
