giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
