The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
