I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
