i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
