I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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