hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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