Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
