I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
