Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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