evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
