I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
