i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
