it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
