Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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