WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Are we still banned from the library?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
