I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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