great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
