Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
