the new term for farting is butt boxing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
