ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
