I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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