She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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