If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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