Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
