I'm eating all of the evidence.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
