she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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