I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck me I smell like cheese
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
