Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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