Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
