remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
