When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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