we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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