nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
