he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
