Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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