i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
