Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
