If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
