Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
