I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
