He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
